The Great Bank Robbery…

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There’s an old saying, ‘We all make mistakes,’ and of course, we all do: big ones, little ones, silly ones, and often, stupid ones. And once and a while, someone makes one that is as ‘big and stupid ‘as they come…

The plans were all laid. Big Ron had a gotten together quite a crew for this one: There was little Mickey ‘Wheels’ Tanner, the best getaway driver short of Sterling moss. Jack Dawkins, the explosives expert, electrics and alarms man, Peter Hills. And last but not least, that well known hard-man, Hatchet Harry, had been brought in to add a bit of muscle; any problems with wannabe heroes, and Hatchet Harry was more than willing to shove a sawn-off shotgun down their throat – and pull the trigger too if they thought he was bluffing.

Rumour had it that this was a rather exclusive bank, very discreet, catering to the stars, politicians, the super-rich, and even senior members of the Royal family. Located in the heart of London’s exclusive Mayfair, it was an old Victorian building, with little to indicate what is was other that a shiny brass plate, saying simply, The Bank.

Big Ron had high hopes for this one. With that sort of clientele there had to be serious money to be had, not to mention jewellery, bonds, and god knows what sort of secrets the rich and powerful preferred kept secret…

“So, we’re all clear then, we go through the adjacent wall. Pete here has already traced the in-wall alarm wires so there’s no probs there.” Big Ron said.

“And I’ll be waiting right outside with the motor running.” Peter Hills assured them.

“Yer’ bloody well better be!” Added Hatchet Harry.

“I still don’t get why there ain’t more security though, I mean like, if there’s really as much as yer’ reckon there is?” Hatchet Harry said. He might have been the hired muscle but he was far from the stupid oaf many thought him to be…

“It’s as I explained,” Big Ron began, “‘it’s because of who the customers are. They don’t want people, you know, the public and the Press and stuff knowing their business. And a load of armed guards and security cams and stuff would attract too much attention.”

Hatchet Harry nodded, still not fully convinced, but sufficiently tempted by Big Ron’s promises of untold money to put aside his doubts.

“Right then, let’s do it.

It had been a well-planned job, right down to the last detail. Big Ron had leased the adjacent basement office for the past six months, at no inconsiderable expense. Every penny he had, had been invested in this one last caper. And things were progressing nicely…

“That’s it, we’re in,” declared Jack, the explosives man, “an’ you’re sure we haven’t tripped any of them alarm wires, Pete?”

“No chance.” Pete Replied.

“Stop yakking and let’s get in and out, pronto!” Said Big Ron, following the two of them through the hole in the wall, closely followed by Hatchet Harry.

“Who the hell…” A voice boomed at them, “Where… How did you get in here..?” Hatchet Harry was the first to respond…

“Down on the floor. Now!”

The night security guard did as he was told; when Hatchet Harry told you to do something, you did it.

“Right, Pete, start on opening those deposit boxes,” Big Ron bellowed.

“Wh… What is it you want here?” The security guard stuttered, turning his head to look up at them all.

“Are you serious? We want what’s in all those cash filled deposit boxes.” Hatchet Harry replied.

Despite the obvious danger he was in, the security guard couldn’t help but let out a muffled laugh: “That’s what this is about, money?” And again he laughed.

“First one’s open,” Peter Hills declared.

“And?” Asked one of the others.

“Erm, I’m not sure… Just some test tubes and, erm, petri dishes I think they’re called.”

The others looked around at each other in disbelief, and then to the security guard:

“There’s no money in any those boxes.” He said

“No money!” Growled Hatchet Harry, not at the security guard, but at Big Ron.

“What do you mean, no money?” He said again, turning back to the security guard who was still lying prone on the ground…

“This isn’t that sort of bank, it’s a blood and tissue bank, you know, genetic material, stem-cells, stuff like that, to help the rich and famous to stay young and healthy when they start to get old and sick. They’re the only ones who can afford all this.”

Hatchet Harry turned again at Big Ron, shot-gun in hand…

“It’s not my fault, how was I to know that?” Big Ron pleaded.

It didn’t matter; Hatchet Harry raised the gun a little higher and fired a shot straight in Big Ron’s head…

********************

“Pretty bad mess we got here.” The detective in charge was saying.

“Yeah. Who’d have thought Big Ron would end up making a deposit in the very bank he was trying to rob?” His colleague added, looking across at the mass of brain tissue and scull fragments splattered across the front of the tissue deposit boxes of the vault…

About echoesofthepen

Middle aged man, aspiring writer and author, one grown up son and young grand son, currently working in the rail industry but actively working to develop a writing career.

Posted on February 10, 2014, in Flash Fiction, Humour, Short Stories and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. i had to laugh at this. Another funny one. You really got to put these out as a book or something.

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  2. Ha Ha Ha Ha….I am laughing my heart out here in India. I certainly needed something like this after a tiring day at work.

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    • Sorry for taking awhile to respond, busy and tiring week at work too unfortunately, will be catching up and responding to comments, and catching up on .reading the posts I’ve marked.

      Am so pleased you enjoyed and for saying so, cheers…

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  3. Cool twist at the end. Even a cooler irony. Big Ron making an unprecedented, unexpected deposit (with his blood and tissues) at the bank he intended to rob. His brain must have covered the floor like a rug. Holy shit! That man, Hatchet Harry, with the sawed shortgun is very cruel and violent.

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  4. Reblogged this on iammatthewwilliams's Blog and commented:
    Great story from a talented writer

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  5. An excellent twist on the classic heist tale. Can’t help but feel that Big Ron had it coming though. Great work.

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  6. Nice one. Well played.

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  7. Quite a gory ending there.

    I’m thinking of starting up a small community of bloggers, where we promote each other and comment on blogs etc. Interested?

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    • I’d be very interested; that’s partly why my book reviews concentrate on self-published debut authors and a short preface mentioning the author’s blog. It’s also one of the things I like about your own blog, the help and encouragement it offers other writers, bloggers, and authors etc.

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      • Are you on Facebook? I have a public account there, which I use only for blogging. Damyanti April Blogging. Would you like to connect there first, to continue the conversation? If not, email me on atozstories at gmail dot com

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  8. Great story, made me chuckle! 🙂

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  9. Oh my.. I can even imagine the splatter… Nice story…

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  10. Paul, I enjoyed this because it got underway rapidly, and then the pace continued throughout with a good dose of natural dialogue.
    If I may, I’d like to leave a couple of points:
    There are some typos, which is a minor issue, and easy to resolve. Try this method:
    Write it, edit it, leave it, read it, edit it again, leave it, read it, edit, approve,publish.
    When you ‘leave it’, try setting the story aside for about three – seven days, or longer if you can. When you read it; read it aloud. Reading your work aloud, will highlight where you do, or don’t, require punctuation.
    Try to avoid using names that have been used in books or movies in the past, for example; Hatchet Harry (Two Smoking Barrels).
    I’m not an expert by any means, but I like your writing, and I’d like to see good becoming great.
    In summary, an entertaining short story mate. I’ll be back on a regular basis to check out your work, but as you know, I’m up to my armpits in my new romance (story).
    Keep up the good work.

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    • Cheers for that. I’ve not seen ‘two smoking barrels’ before, but a name change is easy enough before the anthology. I’ll drop you a line soon as I’ve finished ‘beyond the law’, (and the review).
      Btw, read another couple of your stories and left some feedback – all good though!

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  11. Lol. Blood and tissue…love it!

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  12. Pretty grisly twist there, “Big Paul”. 😉

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